A possible reason why the relationship status gap exists in the gay community may be due to the ability to fire up this lovely app (or any other) and bam, there is the next best option 634 feet away. ‘The overarching influence of dating and sex apps, such as Grindr, cannot be overlooked in this discussion. Someone else who highlights the influence of apps is pyschologist Tony Ortega, author of #IsHeHereYet, Being the Person You Want to be With. There’s so many of us out there soothing trauma with casual sex that you can forget what you really wanted in the first place.’ Dr Tony Ortega (Photo: Supplied) The easy availability of sex is not conducive to settling down ‘So to numb that pain you go on Grindr and off we go again. It’s fun – but when we wake up and realize we’ve been single for ten years and haven’t got anyone to snuggle with on a Sunday morning, that’s really painful. ‘When it comes to numbing pain, sex is just as powerful as alcohol or drugs. ‘After a bad relationship, I got hooked in a merry go round of casual sex to numb the feeling I wasn’t good enough,’ says Todd. However, bottling them up is nearly always counter productive. Men, for many reasons, are often less likely to talk about their feelings. Research published in 2011 by UK organization Stonewall found that gay and bisexual men over 55 are ‘almost three times more likely to be single than heterosexual men, 40 per cent compared to 15 per cent.’ The AARP survey is not the first to reveal older gay men are more likely to be single. However, the rate rises consistently after this – and more than two out of three marry by the age of 50. Only one in three millennials marry by the time they’re 30. The last US census took place in 2010, before the legalization of same-sex marriage across the country.Īgain, it shows younger people are far more likely to be single. How does this compare to straight people? Many gay men, at least from these studies, do not. However, although people of all sexualities start out single, lesbians, bisexual and heterosexuals tend to go on a find long-term partners. Similar results came up for Generation X (those born between the late 60s and early 80s). This compared with 54% for millennial lesbian and bisexual women. This surveyed over 17,000 participants and found the 69% of millenial gay and bisexual men are single. They pointed to a 2017 LGBT survey done by Community Marketing & Insights (CMI). According to a spokesperson, the discrepancy exists across ages and is not particular to people over the age of 45.
When asked about the wide discrepancy between the number of older gay men and lesbians in partnerships, AARP indicated this was unsurprising.
It revealed concern among both lesbians and gay men about the support networks they might have as they age, but, ‘gay men are far more likely to live alone’ and ‘gay men are less connected compared to lesbians on every relationship type tested, from LGBT friends to straight friends, from partners to neighbors.’ It was more concerned at identifying the challenges people face as they get older. The AARP survey didn’t primarily look at relationship status. ‘Of course, it’s perfectly fine to be single if that’s what you want but I’ve met so many single gay men who say they really just want to be in a serious relationship but can’t find one.’ Matthew Todd (Photo: Supplied) ‘Gay men more likely to live alone’
‘There’s more gay men in successful relationships than ever before but these stats don’t surprise me,’ says Matthew Todd, a British journalist and the author of Straight Jacket, How to Be Gay and Happy. This compared to 39% of lesbians and 48% of bisexual men and women. It found 57% of gay men over the age of 45 were single. It surveyed 1,782 LGBT people across all 50 US states on their thoughts around aging. The findings were released in March by AARP (formerly American Association of Retired Persons). A survey in the US has found that most gay men over the age of 45 are single.